Digital Transformation: More Like Digital Trans-Bore-mation

I'm pretty sure I’ve aged approximately 7 years since the last time I heard someone say digital transformation with a straight face. Honestly, I'm convinced it’s just a fancy way of saying.

We’re replacing your job with an algorithm, but hey, free pizza on Fridays!” This whole quest for streamlining and efficiency often feels like chasing a mirage in the desolate landscape of late-stage capitalism. Are we really making things better, or just making ourselves obsolete faster? I think it's time we had a serious conversation around the challenges and opportunities it represents.

I’m starting to think the true impact of artificial intelligence isn’t some utopian future, but the existential dread that sets in every time I open my email. Remember when email was supposed to save us time? Now it's just another hellscape of newsletters and poorly worded meeting invites. The promise of a seamless, AI-powered existence feels less like progress and more like slowly being boiled alive in a data-driven dystopia. Can someone please explain how machine learning and Big Data have improved my dating life? Asking for a friend…who is also me.

And don’t even get me started on the metaverse. Are we seriously trying to escape our already crumbling reality by strapping on clunky headsets and pretending to be digital avatars? I'd rather stare at a wall. At least the wall doesn't require constant software updates or the fear of Mark Zuckerberg stealing my digital identity. The web3 enthusiasts can keep their NFTs and crypto; I'll stick to tangible things like books, cats, and the occasional existential crisis. Decentralized autonomous organizations sound cool until you realize they’re run by the same kind of people who unironically wear those Patagonia vests. I’d happily trade all the blockchain technology in the world for a decent night’s sleep.

Let’s be real, the only thing AI is Mid at disrupting is my sanity. Every new technology news article promising untold advancements just feels like another nail in the coffin of genuine human connection. We’re so busy trying to optimize everything that we’ve forgotten how to simply exist. What’s the point of having predictive analytics if we can't predict when we're going to burn out? The answer: an AI podcast.

Speaking of burn out, I’ve noticed a distinct lack of consideration for the human element. Sure, automation can streamline workflows, but at what cost? Are we creating a world where only the machines thrive, while the rest of us are left to subsist on Soylent and the hollow promises of digital nomads? If I have to hear one more corporate drone talk about “synergy” or “disruptive innovation,” I might just scream into the void. And then start an AI podcast… about how wrong all the other AI podcasts are.

I’m especially unimpressed with the performative activism of tech companies. Slapping a rainbow filter on your logo during Pride Month doesn’t excuse your role in perpetuating data privacy violations and the relentless pursuit of profit at the expense of human dignity. Stop trying to sell me on your woke algorithms and start addressing the real issues: the exploitation of workers, the spread of misinformation, and the fact that your AI still can’t figure out how to make a decent cup of coffee. I’m sensing a severe lack of ethics in the algorithms and frameworks so heavily touted today.

And can we talk about the obsession with cloud computing? It’s just someone else’s computer, people! I’m pretty sure my grandma could come up with a better marketing strategy than some of these so-called influencers. The whole thing feels like a giant pyramid scheme, where the only people making real money are the ones selling the shovels. Honestly, I'm less concerned about cybersecurity than I am about the looming threat of someone accidentally deleting my entire digital existence with a single keystroke. So much for a user-friendly system.

So, here’s my radical proposal: let’s all take a collective step back from the digital abyss. Let’s unplug, reconnect with the physical world, and remember what it means to be human. Let's focus on creating things that actually matter, like art, community, and maybe even a decent cup of coffee. And let’s leave the “digital transformation” to the robots. At least they won’t complain about the free pizza.

And if you're still not convinced that AI is Mid, tune into our next AI commentary episode. We promise it will be at least slightly less depressing than this blog post. Or maybe not. Either way, pour yourself a stiff drink and join the disillusionment.