The Algorithm Made Me Do It: Blaming Skynet for My Bad Decisions

Okay, so I haven't filed my taxes in three years. Is that my fault, or the fault of some nebulous algorithm that decided I should be spending my time watching cat videos instead? I'm leaning towards the latter. After all, we're living in the age of blaming everything on digital transformation, and honestly, it’s a vibe.

I mean, think about it. You show up late to a meeting? Blame the AI that messed with your calendar. Accidentally sent a passive-aggressive email to your boss? Clearly, the AI wrote it. Didn't call your mom back? The algorithm probably flagged it as low priority. It’s the perfect excuse. We're officially off the hook!

The other day I burned the Easy Mac and blamed it on AI. No, there wasn't actually AI involved. I just like the plausible deniability.

Let’s be real, the entire concept of 'personal responsibility' needs a serious rebranding. It’s giving “obsolete dial-up modem.” We need something fresh, something that acknowledges the powerful influence of the artificial intelligence overlords. Something that says, “Hey, I’m just a pawn in the grand, inscrutable chess game of the internet.”

And honestly, I blame the term “Artificial Intelligence” for all of this too. Sounds so…official. So important. Like we are living in “The Matrix” or something. If the term were something less exciting, like “Extremely Complicated Spreadsheet,” people wouldn’t blame it for everything. So yeah, the branding department is also to blame.

But, here’s the real tea. The reason I’m even writing this is because the AI podcast I was listening to mentioned something about “algorithmic bias” and it spiraled me into an existential crisis. If even the algorithms are biased, what hope do we have? Am I even making my own decisions, or am I just a puppet of some unseen code?

And don’t even get me started on recommendation engines. They’re basically digital dictators, telling us what to buy, what to watch, what to think. I swear, if I see one more ad for compression socks, I’m going to throw my laptop out the window. I get it. I'm old now. Leave me alone.

The line between technology news and psychological thriller is getting thinner every day. Is it just me, or does everyone else feel like they are living in a Philip K. Dick novel?

Let’s talk about the metaverse. Remember that fever dream? Supposed to be the next big thing, right? Now it’s just a graveyard of abandoned avatars and unsold virtual real estate. But hey, at least we can blame the lack of user engagement on the algorithm too. It's like blaming the DJ for a boring party.

The AI is Mid. It’s all Mid. The memes are Mid. Even the coffee is Mid. I need a nap.

So, what’s the solution? I don’t know. Maybe we should all just move to a remote island, learn to churn butter, and live off the grid. Or, you know, we could just keep blaming the AI for everything. It’s easier, and infinitely more entertaining.

And if anyone asks why I haven’t showered in three days, I'm going to tell them it's because the algorithm told me I looked better with my natural oils.

Join me in rejecting personal responsibility and embrace the sweet, sweet freedom of blaming everything on the silicon gods.